How I Accidentally Ran 5K | Coping Skills for Anxiety

A few months ago I almost posted this--a post about anxiety and being cut short--only to be interrupted again. This blog is dear to me and I hate to put in the 25% that I have the time to so... that day I put in that 25% and waited for the perfect opportunity to finish. Fall became winter while I added "tomorrows" to my self-imposed due dates--until I read a post that put a spark back into me. Alex Beadon posted about overcoming your fears and I realized that I need to post this NOW in its current state of imperfection. I am not the only one out there struggling with schedule demands, anxiety, or recurring perfectionist issues so if you have been there or are right there with me now I hope this will kindle your spark, too:

Run, run, run.

Crunching to a stop in front of my house I had no idea just how far I'd run, but I knew it was far more than the short circuit I had planned. It's life or death for me. My fitness loves keep me sane and safe and this time was no example--I laced up because too many days had passed me by without being able to type a sentence, do a pole climb, or read a chapter. One grey moment strings to the next and I found myself drowning in doubts, analysis paralysis.... anxiety.

So I ran. The treadmill or my pole room have become snazzy clothes racks--I get as far as the warm up and then sweetest baby cries or the stupid phone rings or I remember to go find freelance work before that bill is due. Outside there is the crunch of fall leaves, the night sky unfolding into infinity, and lung-fulls of  autumn magic.

There is nothing for feeling alive quite like an autumnal run.

If you could ever fall in love with the endorphin high of running it will happen by steps. Turn on your favorite song for moving until you have to get up and just go for a block. This block melts into the next and at a steady pace you forget that you could ever live still in one spot. Drink the air, the sparkling stars, the beat of your heart and your steps running into one, until you move because there is music and not to reach a destination or check off a distance. Fitness is a lifeline to finding yourself again and it re-connects you to your heartbeat, your thoughts, and your inner self.

The next thing I knew I had run to the library and back--a distance I looked up and, sure enough... I accidentally ran 5K. It is truly magic what you can do when you let it just happen.

Getting past fear

It is and it is not true that I do not have time for what I love. I get stopped over and over, never having the solid block of time I want to really get everything just right. When I read that post on Alex's blog I kept asking myself how fear is connected to this anxiety. What I realized is that I am not afraid of failing, but of being mediocre. It is not that I lack time to do a pole work but that I lack time for a full pole workout and in just the same way I have time for a paragraph but not a start-to-finish blogging session. I think often we set a standard for ourselves that we think we have broken down in manageable steps but we forget to allow ourselves to put in 25% when that is all there is time for. I see so many other polers get into serious pole ruts or neighbors that have not worked out since college athletics--we all just want to find this miraculous moment of time when we have time and motivation.

My message for all you Flexines out there, and for myself as well, is to allow yourself to take it slow, then take it slower. I am going to keep stringing together my 25%'s. I hope you allow yourself the same love.