Weekend Crush: Sasha Cohen, Queen of Spirals

Today I need this pick-me-up: heavenly flexibility and the best example of emoting. Sasha Cohen is my inspiration by serendipity. I was checking off IB requirements--the hated CAS (Creativity Action Service) hours--around the time my mother's work gave her tickets to see the Campbell's International. Art and nerdiness were my game, not this. Not the physical expression of intellect and emotion. You can say whatever you like about her Olympic falls but no one has her amazing expressiveness or spirals that can make you cry. Can make me cry. This olympic season was bittersweet--yes, there was some technically remarkable performances and Julia Lipnitskaia was a flexible dream to watch but no one had that magic. And I doubt anyone will.



This Valentine's Day my throat hurts and my head is pounding; on top of that, my Valentine is out-of-state at his mother's wedding. And I crumpled my wrist typing and then sleeping on it. If you watch Grey's Anatomy, I am having the dark and twisties. When my days go wrong I catch myself going into my bad memories. If I can be honest about what I love, I can be honest about what hurts and I have quite the selection of torments to visit. Around the time I was checking off CAS hours and reflecting on Sasha's allure I knew in my heart my mother was covering up Brian molesting our youngest sister.

I also was sure I would never become anyone worthwhile; I believed so blindly in everything my mother said. I was a monster. I was like her ex. I was wasting time thinking about college. When Sasha Cohen skated in Turino she was my idol. She was power, grace, and beauty. She was tragic; brilliant but, as Scott Hamilton commented, "a perennial runner up." So much like a high school student that would get A's and suddenly all F's. The oldest sibling that failed her baby sister.

Those spirals are not impossibilities--they are dreams

I found love. I realized how intelligent I am and I stopped apologizing for being proud. And when I discovered the amazing sport of pole dance, I decided to become my own version of Sasha Cohen. My blog is about splits and back bends but also about finding inner power, grace, and beauty. Maybe I will never be among the ranks of competitive pole dancers but I will be a first generation college graduate and break the cycle of domestic violence in my family through motherhood. I will also figure out where my splits went and learn to dance expressively. Oh! Extended Allegra and that dance pose--needle--scale will also be mine. Somehow. Someday.